That’s an expression Paul used in 2 Corinthians. The false self is always very defensive, and it masquerades as an angel of light. And to me, that’s an indication that I’m living out of my true self instead of my false self.
Somehow, it’s a gift God has given me, and I didn’t even think to ask for it. That freedom happened to me when I was writing the book. With the true self there’s a freedom - like I don’t really need to do this thing, but I want to do it, and I do it well, and I’m happy about doing it. One advantage of getting older is I can more easily tell the difference between my false self and my true self. And the true self is essentially the person God made us to be. The false self is the person we wish we were or we think we should be or other people expect us to be. What do you mean by the false self and how might aging give us a way to extricate ourselves from it? You talk about aging as an opportunity to let go of the false self. Years ago, I would have prayed, “Oh God, help me to have enough energy to go through this day and help me to do things well.” I think the flip side of that prayer was “help me to look good.” I just sit, and I don’t make a lot of suggestions to God. That’s probably the most important time of day for me spiritually. But now I have just a few hours of the day that I have enough energy, and that keeps getting shaved down. I used to think of my day as morning, afternoon and evening, and so my calendar was often divided into those three categories. There’s also a loss of energy, and I am so sad about that. Maybe they have to retire at a certain age, or other people in the office are coming in to take over the job they’ve been doing for 25 years. For some people, the loss of opportunity is very painful. But those of us getting older have never been here before, so we need to look at what the territory looks like.Īnd the grief, the losses of age, are huge. I hate to say it, but a lot of Christians feel like being self-aware is navel-gazing that it’s selfish. I would say the place to start is to be intentionally self-aware. Being in denial about aging takes a lot of energy, and I just don’t have the emotional energy to put into resistance. Just count your blessings.” That approach doesn’t work for me. People say to me, “you don’t look that old, you don’t have gray hair. There’s no question in our culture that growing older is not popular. What is a spiritual practice that can help people be honest about how hard this can be?
You say it’s important to catalog the losses that come with aging, rather than denying that loss is happening. This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Aging, she concedes, is a series of losses (physical and cognitive abilities, independence, relationships, etc.), but that also creates space for the new stories God is writing. And the fact that she’s not completely certain suggests one of the things I loved about the book, which is her openness to these next years as a “holy invitation” in which we’re no longer trying so darn hard to be in control. This may be her last book, but, on the other hand, she says it is the third “last” book she has written, so we should never say never. The 77-year-old Fryling is a spiritual director and experienced author.
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I’m going to need wise guides to show me how to do this with grace, so I’m grateful for Alice Fryling’s new book “ Aging Faithfully: The Holy Invitation of Growing Older.” That’s humbling, especially because we know this is only the beginning of physical decline and that aging will bring many other challenges as well. The ascent was considerably more of an effort than it would have been when we were younger. But as often happens with travel, the magic was interspersed with reality, and for me, that reality was that we missed the bus and had to climb up to the Alhambra on foot to catch our tour. I’m in Spain as I write this, and this week I fulfilled the lifelong dream of visiting the Alhambra, a fortress/castle from the 14th century. It’s the physical differences you notice first. Needless to say, aging well is on my mind as I look toward the future. I became a grandmother this year, and I turned 52 this week.
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